In what could be modelling agency Models Direct’s favourite ‘pot’ versus ‘kettle’ story of the year, Piers Morgan has dished the dirt on supermodel Kate Moss this week.

The notoriously smug talk show host told reporters at the Mirror (the paper he used to edit before he was fired for authorising completely fake images of Iraqi prisoners supposedly being abused by British soldiers) that the 38-year-old model is “a real spoilt little madam from Croydon”. Before adding as an after-thought: “There’s nothing wrong with Croydon – I was brought up near Croydon. But she’s just a vile little creature.”

Apparently the feeling is mutual. Morgan revealed that he has been on the receiving end of Moss’s dislike of him more than once: “She came up to me at some charity thing with Naomi Campbell and gave me a full, haymaking kick. Then the next time we had dinner in a restaurant, she was opposite me… and kicked me again.”

Morgan told the Mirror that even Sir Philip Green – a mutual friend – was unable to mediate between the two: “I told him it was pointless. She doesn’t like me, I don’t like her. She kicked me, hard. Right on the shin, repeatedly. I looked at her and said, ‘Kate, why are you kicking me?’ She said, ‘Because I want to’ and cackled. She was completely off her head. And I replied, ‘Well, can you just stop kicking me, OK?’ She looked blank, and gave me another kick. It was a bizarre conversation.”

Morgan didn’t stop at his revelations about Kate Moss. He went on to describe Madonna as “a complete con artist”, whose arms are “just terrifying”. He then likened himself to the stylish and gorgeous actor Colin Firth: “Colin keeps telling me his life is hell because everyone over here thinks he’s me. I’m much happier when people mistake me for him, obviously. But it happens all the time, I got it loads when we did the red carpet.”

Models and booking agents here don’t really see the likeness…